weight-gain

When you're a dad, the first place you gain weight is in the luv-handles...it's also the LAST place you will lose weight.
I've lost 20lbs since January and my "bloop-bloops" are still hanging over my BVDs.
Hollister Ads depress me!
 

"Bite Me"...that's what she yelled from across the field

Soccer field...9:30am Saturday...Yorba Linda California.  I'm coaching my 7-year-old's team...the green strikers and we're missing two of our better players.  A mixup in the email chain left us playing short...grid-iron-soccer.  For three and a half quarters we keep our dignity against our opponent, the number one team, but are still loosing 2-0.  Finally, my assistant coach and his daughter, our best player, show up!  We ask to sub her in for the last 3 minutes of the game...I'm not sure what the rules are, but SHE'S 7-YEARS OLD FOR GOODNESS SAKE.  The ref is cool with it, but I suddenly hear some "hen party" start up on the opposite side of the field.  Some boisterous soccer mom is clucking around about the depravity!  I yell across, "Is it really that big of a deal?"  Her response, "Bite Me!"

I didn't hear it.  Lucky for her...I didn't hear it!  BUT, all the parents on my sideline did and the drama ensued...but turned into our own hen party with a cluck-cluck here and a cluck-cluck there.  Before I knew it, the game was over, we still had a goose...I mean chicken egg on the scoreboard and I was left to internalize the childishness that we parents vicariously envelope when trans-competing through our kid's games.

As an adult-child, had I heard the insult, I would have invited the lady to the parking lot, where the other parents would form a circle around us, and we would duke it out.  All the while hearing, "fight! fight! fight!" chanted in the background.