weight-gain

When you're a dad, the first place you gain weight is in the luv-handles...it's also the LAST place you will lose weight.
I've lost 20lbs since January and my "bloop-bloops" are still hanging over my BVDs.
Hollister Ads depress me!
 

"Bite Me"...that's what she yelled from across the field

Soccer field...9:30am Saturday...Yorba Linda California.  I'm coaching my 7-year-old's team...the green strikers and we're missing two of our better players.  A mixup in the email chain left us playing short...grid-iron-soccer.  For three and a half quarters we keep our dignity against our opponent, the number one team, but are still loosing 2-0.  Finally, my assistant coach and his daughter, our best player, show up!  We ask to sub her in for the last 3 minutes of the game...I'm not sure what the rules are, but SHE'S 7-YEARS OLD FOR GOODNESS SAKE.  The ref is cool with it, but I suddenly hear some "hen party" start up on the opposite side of the field.  Some boisterous soccer mom is clucking around about the depravity!  I yell across, "Is it really that big of a deal?"  Her response, "Bite Me!"

I didn't hear it.  Lucky for her...I didn't hear it!  BUT, all the parents on my sideline did and the drama ensued...but turned into our own hen party with a cluck-cluck here and a cluck-cluck there.  Before I knew it, the game was over, we still had a goose...I mean chicken egg on the scoreboard and I was left to internalize the childishness that we parents vicariously envelope when trans-competing through our kid's games.

As an adult-child, had I heard the insult, I would have invited the lady to the parking lot, where the other parents would form a circle around us, and we would duke it out.  All the while hearing, "fight! fight! fight!" chanted in the background.

Sun screen is TOO expensive!

It's spring and summer is just around the corner.  Last night, I got online, and purchased A GALLON of spray-on sunscreen.  What can I say, I'm a Dad...and I'm sick of paying $8.99 for a little spray bottle that lasts two times at the beach.  Some of you are saying, "you can buy the lotion...it's cheaper."  To that I say, "you are clearly not a Dad!"
Yes, I paid $130 plus shipping for this gallon of Rocky Mountain Sunscreen, but it has a 3 year shelf life and I'm hoping to get at least two summers out of it!

I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Dad...out.

Nothing says FUN like a duct-taped, non-working video game system in the play area of a McDonald's. Dirty Diapers anyone?

Nasty!

NumNum

I thought we only had three children, but I have recently learned that a forth child, named NumNum lives in secret inside our house. NumNum is the child that is responsible for the messes that my wife and I consistently stumble upon. If a light is left on...NumNum must have done it. If there are Lego's all over the floor...NumNum. If the craft room is thrashed...you guessed it...NumNum!

You Know You're a DAD If:

your son's shirt looks like he fell on a pizza on the way home from a friends house.

when you brush your daughter's hair, it feels like she used it to eat ice cream the night before.

the refrigerator handle feels like a topographical map.

you take 3 ibuprofen BEFORE the piano recital...and you don't even have a headache.

you don't mind attending a business meeting with a Disney character band-aide on your finger.

you can peel the top layer off of the ipad screen and eat it like a fruit-roll-up.