When you're a 39-year-old, father of three, there are few things that can make you double-over with laughter...I mean life is just way too serious...right? Anyway, at "drop-off" (Parents understand what that means) this morning, I witnessed something truly hilarious.
Now, my kids go to a public school, but it's a very nice school surrounded by million-dollar homes and some of the parents can be a bit pretentious. That said, it's not uncommon to see 40+ year old moms that had a successful career before motherhood and now show up to school with their black spandex workout attire and store-bought body parts.
This morning was no exception, but it appeared that one of these moms decided to let Fido join the kids on the ride to school. My assumption is that Fido decided to jump out of the Escalade when the kids got out and enjoy a long run. So, as I'm getting out of my truck with my girls I was startled by the quick little dog that came from nowhere, swirled around my feet for a few and then ran off to the next car. I looked around and saw the owner, a previously described spandex mom apologizing to everyone and seemingly calm and in control...nope.
For the next 10 minutes, as parents and kids from all over scurried into the school grounds, spandex mom chased Fido UP and DOWN the main street where most people drop off. She looked like a giraffe...she would lope down about 50 yards with Fido 20 feet in front of her and then stop...slap her knees and say, "come here" in a soft and cutsie voice. SUVs are ambling by with gawkers staring out the window. Parents are standing, cross armed and wonderment. "Come here," she would say again, and Fido would run toward and do a last minute cut left or right and zoom past her...right in the middle of the street mind you. Off spandex mom would trot, more chasing, more embarrassment, more fatigue I'm sure.
When Fido finds a glove lying in the gutter, he picks it up and parades up and down before kids and parents, triumphantly destroying any dignity spandex mom once had in the community. She is shaken and weak. It's at this point that I turn to my girls, chuckling at the spectacle and tell them that if that was our dog, I would snap its neck and toss it into the gutter...as a public service and apology.
The bell rings, I usher my girls to their classes and only assume that she eventually caught the dog and stuck it in the Escalade because I see her finally coming through the gate as I'm leaving. She makes no eye-contact, wants no more scrutiny...she's just trying to get little Johnny to class on time. It doesn't matter though, her mom cred is shot, she might as well switch schools.
For me, I'm disappointed that I didn't videotape the whole thing on my phone, but sometimes you have to just witness pure comedy with your own eyes.